As a family law firm, we know that no relationship is perfect. There are going to be ups and downs throughout the course of your marriage because, frankly, two humans committing to each other for the rest of their lives is a huge leap of faith. What’s important to understand is who your partner actually is and what traits they may have that could be grounds for divorce should it reach that level.
When you find yourself arguing with your partner you probably want to call them all the names in the book. In recent years, the term narcissist has seen a revival as one of the most common names people will throw out when their partner is being a jerk. But, is it actually an accurate description of who they are? The courts may support you in divorcing a narcissist (diagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder) but they’re not going to take action just to stop them from being a plain old jerk.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a narcissist as “an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.” This doesn’t get too deep into details, but there are specific traits associated with being a real, stone-cold narcissist.
One of the biggest things to look out for is gaslighting. The concept of gaslighting is making you question your own reality and experiences and insisting YOU’RE the “crazy one.” For instance, if you witness your partner violating your trust they may turn it around on you and try to convince you you’re “seeing things” and simply have trust issues. In this case, you know what you saw but are being forced to question what you saw with your own eyes.
Control is another main trait in narcissists. Because they are self-centered, they’re going to want the world to revolve around them. The only way for this to reasonably happen is to control their environment and the people in it, like you. This could include insisting on making decisions for both of you, trying to convince you to disconnect from certain friends, and placing themselves at the forefront of any choices that impact the both of you.
Other major red flags to watch out for include:
- Strong sense of entitlement
- Demand for praise and recognition
- Quick to anger
- Manipulation
- Being deceitful about themselves and their intentions
- Belittling others with insults and intimidation
These are all things to watch out for. If you find yourself checking off that entire list when thinking about your partner, it might be time to run. There are great resources out there like Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger’s book “Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorce Someone With Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder” to help you better understand what a narcissist is and what your divorce may look like.
When you’re ready, I’ll be here for you. My office is focused on bringing our clients personal attention, honest advice, and powerful results. Contact us today and get away.