On the first day of Christmas, what did your “true love” give to you? For some couples this holiday season, it’s not all partridges in pear trees and maids a-milking. In fact, it might be closer to divorce papers in a-manila envelope.
Happy couples get a billion songs for the holidays, so why can’t couples ready to call it quits get a tune on the radio? We can guarantee these lyrics won’t end up on the jukebox – but maybe they should.
On the First Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: A Poor Schmuck in the Pantry
Remember the days of hustling at the gym and eating clean to be your best selves? It’s okay to let this go, but some people keep on pushing while their partner just calls it quits.
On the Second Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Two Separate Bedrooms
If you can’t sleep in the same room together, it’s probably time to stop sharing last names.
On the Third Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Three Angry Texts
I guess all those cute, affectionate texts from the beginning of the relationship were just temporary. Maybe an angry text is better than the classic “k” text?
On the Fourth Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Four Calling Exes
One ex that you still have a lowkey friendship with? Okay, maybe. More than one? It’s time to learn how to let go and move on.
On the Fifth Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Zero Golden Things
Five golden rings!? When was the last time you got anything gold? Appreciating a little gift of jewelry now and then isn’t “materialistic,” it’s just normal.
On the Sixth Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Six Hours A-Laying
Does the couch have a permanent imprint of your spouse on it? It’s not memory foam, so maybe it’s time to get up off the couch (and out of the house).
On the Seventh Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Seven Bills A-Piling
We’re all adults here. Both sides should be contributing around the house, but those bills aren’t going to pay themselves and you shouldn’t be forced to take care of another adult’s bills.
On the Eighth Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Eight Nights A-Wining
Does your spouse drive you to drink? Kick them to the curb so you can find better reasons to pop the cork and enjoy a bottle of wine.
On the Ninth Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Nine Ladies Panties
Wait, you’ve never seen those underwear in your life. If you can’t even trust the laundry, you should call a Texas divorce attorney.
On the Tenth Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Lawyers A-Leaping
Are you on the receiving end of the divorce papers? This can be a shock, and your soon-to-be ex might send a bunch of lawyers your way, but you have a right to representation, too.
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Eleven Passwords Changing
Ready to get a divorce? It’s time to lock everything up and change those passwords. You know what’s yours, and your lousy ex doesn’t deserve a penny more than what they’re owed by Texas courts.
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, My (Former) True Love Gave to Me: Twelve Drummers Drumming
Huh? Isn’t that the normal lyric? Ya, well if someone sent twelve drummers to my door I’d never want to talk to them either. If your spouse can’t give up the dream of being in a big band, maybe it’s time to give up the dream of them ever being quiet again.
All jokes aside, there are so many reasons people get divorced. You don’t have to feel bad about making the decision on your own terms for your own reason. If you are ready to start the New Year with a new life, contact Dawn King Law Group and start singing to a different tune.