I want to start this out by saying I’m a proud mom of three children with a full-time job. I could’ve probably just written that sentence as “I have two full-time jobs.” There’s a delicate balance every working parent knows they must find, and I want to help.
Frankly, failing to find this balance can put a serious strain on your marriage and ultimately result in you calling my office for advice. I don’t want this. As much as being a family law attorney means divorce cases help pay my bills, I’d rather Texas families strive at home. I can find something else to do with my time if couples suddenly figure it all out.
Be Flexible
None of this is meant to be idealistic. I fully understand s**t happens – so before we get into anything else it’s important to prepare for the unexpected. The perfect plan does not mean the perfect result.
When you have children, their needs will often trump your own. This could mean taking a long lunch to swing by their school to drop off the homework or lunch they forgot (yet AGAIN) or literally never sleeping because our kids just seem to know when we need the extra snooze time and something will come up. With three littles at home, I believe this is key. Someone is always sick or always has a last-minute appointment or need, and plans will be altered.
Set a Schedule
Okay, with all that said, it’s still important to try to have a plan as much as possible. This means making sure you and your partner understand each other’s work schedules and your children’s schedules. A schedule should consider things like how the kids get to and from school or daycare, extracurricular activities, and who is taking care of dinner, whether it’s drive-thru or those home-cooked meals that other moms seem to post on social media every day..
Cherish the days when you’re able to stick to your schedule (if those exist). Your schedule isn’t the bible so it’s okay to break the boundaries now and then, but if you and your partner are able to stick to it, I might have you write the advice article next time!
Set Boundaries
There are going to be times when you cannot break the mold of your day. It could be an important work meeting or trip or you just may be at your wit’s end and need space to breathe. Whatever the reason is, you should communicate it as best you can to your partner and your children.
I fully understand that kids don’t always (or ever?) respect our boundaries, so the best way to enforce these boundaries is to refuse to relent when necessary. This can mean locking yourself in your room or office or removing yourself from your home entirely. I often come home from a long day and just need some space, but I am immediately tackled by my children who have been waiting, not-so-patiently, for their mommy. I have learned to cherish this no matter how tired I am and ensure that I provide them with attention and meet their needs before I explain that Mommy needs a short break before bedtime. Remember, boundaries are our way of making sure our cup is full enough for the moments when our family needs us the most.
Make Time For Each Other
When you choose a life partner, it’s because you want a life of spending time with them. Having children with your partner or bringing a stepparent into the home is another commitment that takes time and consideration.
Children are going to get in the way of much of the quality time and intimacy we’ve come to expect in our daily lives. It’s important that your schedule includes time alone – just you and your partner. This comes with the setting boundaries part of this juggling act… but maybe don’t communicate with your children why you and your spouse need to lock them out of your room.
Know That Nobody Knows What They’re Doing
You might be thinking, “what a strange thing to say in the middle of an advice blog.” You’re not wrong, but I don’t want to sit here and act like I have all the answers. We all have pride in our own families and the work we’re putting in every day to make family life better, but there are no one-size-fits-all solutions to juggling work, children, and life in general.
There are going to be times when you need to break every rule in the book. There are going to be times when you are just wingin’ it out there. I want you to know: It’s okay, and you’re not alone. That’s part of being a parent. Sometimes you might even find a little fun in the madness.
At the end of the day, I understand that this can all be overwhelming. If you’re unable to continue with where things are now, and your marriage just isn’t working, give me a call. I bring personal attention and honest advice to every case I take on. You might just need a little direction and reassurance to make things right.