Marriage is a lifelong commitment… until it isn’t. As divorce attorneys, we understand this as much as just about anybody. Nearly 1,800 Americans call it quits on their marriage on an average day, but if your marriage is struggling this does not have to be you.
Valentine’s Day falls in February and it can be easy to wallow in your failing relationship and approach this holiday of love with a frown that would make Ebenezer Scrooge proud. Instead of looking at those happy couples showing WAY too much PDA and feeling down, it could be a sign of what your relationship once was and could become once again (but maybe keep the PDA to yourself for the sake of the rest of us).
In our experience, these are a few of the best options that could put the pieces of your broken marriage back together.
Marriage Counseling
Okay, you got us. This one might be a little obvious, but we have spoken with way too many couples who are ready to file for a divorce but never once attempted marriage counseling. We often feel like our differences are insurmountable until a third party turns the light on to often simpler solutions than we imagined.
Many churches across Texas offer free marriage and family counseling – even if you are not a member of the church. A quick google search of marriage counseling at churches in your area could be the beginning of overcoming the divide that has grown between you and your spouse.
Take Time For Yourselves
When was the last time you truly dedicated time and space to your marriage? This means no kids, no work, no distractions, just you and your spouse enjoying quality time together.
We understand the world moves fast and growing a family requires a lot of hard work and attention but so does keeping a marriage fresh and lively. The dating period creates a lot of excitement because people love the newness and the effort put into it. Just because you share a bathroom now does not mean your marriage has to be gross and boring.
Vacationing together falls into this category, as well. It doesn’t need to be some fancy trip to Italy where you float on a river and share endless pasta, but a trip to a place you both love or even a place you have always wanted to visit may reignite that spark.
Open and Better Communication
One of the most common things that divorcing couples say is that they can hardly hold a conversation anymore. Some people are just dull and there is no solving that, but a lack of strong communication is generally one of the most solvable issues in failing marriages.
Approach each other with honesty. You committed your lives to each other, so who benefits from dishonesty and keeping things to yourself? This life you are living with your spouse will grow from being honest about your wants and needs and truly listening when your partner does the same.
Explore Each Other’s Love Language
Yup, another article pointing out the legitimacy of the five love languages. There is undeniable value in finding out how you love others and how you want to receive love. The love languages are an attempt to simplify the search for those answers through five specific categories:
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
You might be surprised to find out that all your partner really wants is to spend more quality time with you or that you feel more secure in your marriage with some kind words of affirmation. Explore this and dedicate time to cater to each other’s love language.
Have Higher Standards for Each Other
Nobody wants to feel like they need to roll out of bed and impress someone each and every day. That would be exhausting and might be impossible with some gnarly bedhead getting in the way. However, falling into the lull of putting little effort into your appearance, your affection, and your conversations can doom even the strongest relationships.
Setting a low bar for each other lessens the chances of ever really impressing or surprising each other. Keeping the bar high while giving space for failure gives you both a chance to continue impressing even if most days you’re just sitting on the couch in sweats watching reruns of Grey’s Anatomy.
At Dawn King Law Group, we want your marriage to succeed. Divorce may pay our bills but trust us, we will find something else to do if suddenly couples stop calling us to end their marriages. If you need help mediating an issue in your relationship or it’s simply too late for all this, contact us.